I went to another AA meeting last night.  My closest friend went with me.  I find it difficult to just speak up and talk.  They say beginners should get involved and talk but what if you're hopelessly shy and not good at speaking in crowds?  I am excellent one on one or with a small group, but telling a room full of 25 people about my drinking and how I need help, that's hard.  So my friend spoke.  She asked how a newcomer would get involved and how to ask for help.  Everyone was so happy to hear her talk and eager to help her.  Granted she had a drinking problem years ago and is more or less going to the meetings to help me, I appreciated her courage in speaking up.  A nice woman spoke with us afterward and we exchanged numbers.  I think I will go to another meeting tonight.

The one thing that is hard for me to understand is that they keep saying, go to meetings, go to as many as you can, yada yada yada.  Sometimes it seems you're switching one addiction for another- the meeting.  I often wonder why people who have been sober for 20 years still attend meetings.  Surely they don't need the help anymore or do they?

It is hard for me to relate to some of the people.  There are a lot of older men there, who are say 60ish.  These are men who raised hell, drank in dive bars and have been arrested a few times.  I have never done that.  I'm not a barfly.  Yes, I go to bars but I don't frequent the same ones.  I'm the isolated, drink by myself type.  I do so because that way I am not driving.  When I do go out drinking with friends I try not to have too much, although a couple times I have felt like I couldn't stop and that's what scares me, I always want more.  I used to know my limits, lately I'm not so sure.